I so badly want this new lifestyle to work. I am about to turn 39 - the last wonderful year of my 30's. My mother died at the young age of 42 so I have this "thing" about living - really living - up until the age of my mother's death and after. I want to feel terrific - look terrific and basically - BE terrific in all things from now until about 50 - just because.... I have literally been thinking about this since I was 10 at the age of her death. I don't know why I have stalled on getting to this "terrific stage" until right now - I have had moments of terrificness - some times in my 20's and 30's - and brief moments every day of greatness but for me for some reason - my terrificness boils down to my WEIGHT. That is totally ridiculous - I get that - but the number on the scale defines my greatness. I have been anywhere between 103-125 from the age of 18-38...most of the time hovering around 115. The only time in my life I have ventured over the 125 number was being pregnant with my angel, Johnny. At that time, the number only swelled to 137 - gaining 22 pounds over a really easy pregnancy - starting at 115 and ending at 137. I know that people would kill for those numbers - I get it. But right now - hovering over the 125 mark is just devastating and I have to get it right again.
I know the things to do. I am running again and eating healthy - not limiting or starving myself - just making solid good decisions every time I put something in my mouth. And it will work. It isn't easy. I have other areas in my life to fix as well before I can be truly "terrific" at 42. I have three years to get there - and stay there. I am going to think of this as the launching pad. I am getting ready to take off. Again - watch me.
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