The Meaning of Age 42

I so badly want this new lifestyle to work. I am about to turn 39 - the last wonderful year of my 30's. My mother died at the young age of 42 so I have this "thing" about living - really living - up until the age of my mother's death and after. I want to feel terrific - look terrific and basically - BE terrific in all things from now until about 50 - just because.... I have literally been thinking about this since I was 10 at the age of her death. I don't know why I have stalled on getting to this "terrific stage" until right now - I have had moments of terrificness - some times in my 20's and 30's - and brief moments every day of greatness but for me for some reason - my terrificness boils down to my WEIGHT. That is totally ridiculous - I get that - but the number on the scale defines my greatness. I have been anywhere between 103-125 from the age of 18-38...most of the time hovering around 115. The only time in my life I have ventured over the 125 number was being pregnant with my angel, Johnny. At that time, the number only swelled to 137 - gaining 22 pounds over a really easy pregnancy - starting at 115 and ending at 137. I know that people would kill for those numbers - I get it. But right now - hovering over the 125 mark is just devastating and I have to get it right again.

I know the things to do. I am running again and eating healthy - not limiting or starving myself - just making solid good decisions every time I put something in my mouth. And it will work. It isn't easy. I have other areas in my life to fix as well before I can be truly "terrific" at 42. I have three years to get there - and stay there. I am going to think of this as the launching pad. I am getting ready to take off. Again - watch me.

I am Going to Run My A** Off

The weight loss battle - once again - has begun. I know how to do it - I have tried most diets in existance today. I know which ones work and all the life long things we are supposed to do. So why am I sitting here 20 pounds over my goal weight? Is it laziness? Is it lack of paying attention? I think it is lots of things - and I am frustrated. I blame my slacking metabolism (age 38), I blame my family for lack of support, I blame my friends who want me to drink wine and have fun with them, I blame my social calendar...oh the blame goes on and on. But it really boils down to me. I stopped paying attention so I gained weight, so I stopped running, so I feel gross, so I really stopped running which puts on more weight. Now I am paying attention- and I want 3 years of living largely to just poof - disappear - right now!

Taking it off is not near as fun as putting it on. Since returning home from vacation the 2nd of August and seeing photos of myself for the first time in a while...I decided the change had to come. I have had two solid disasterous weeks of getting back into a running program. Talk about awful in the August Tallahassee heat - but I have pushed through it and finally feel human after 4 or 5 miles. I have counted calories but blew it off on the weekends only to find that it doesn't work. I am now trying my best to run my a** off literally while doing South Beach - I know that bad carbs just don't work on my frame anymore. They just don't need to be in my diet - I blame them for all the badness. Wine, wheat thins, pasta, stupid sushi with white rice and fried shrimp, pizza, pretzels, crackers - all my favorite things - must be a special treat from now on.

I am determined to literally run my a** off. Watch me.